How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
