I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
