haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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