she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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