thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
