i already hear my dad disowning me
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
