At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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