whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
