Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
