i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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