There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
