I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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