Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We have started to decorate penises.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
