the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
