that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
