I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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