If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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