why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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