yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
