Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That was before I lit my hair on fire
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
