hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
