yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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