Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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