we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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