well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Randomize
