Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think my vagina is haunted
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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