I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
