Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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