to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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