this beer tastes like vomit already
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
