is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
