thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
