Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
