you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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