It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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