I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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