you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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