saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i think i have two assholes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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