I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
