We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
