They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
