I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
