go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
