Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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