Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
