Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
