nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize