dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
