Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
