Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
