Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
