im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
