FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
