woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
