it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
