Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
