Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
