I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It was confusing and full of hummus
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I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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