Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
