i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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