In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
