I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
