do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize