just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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