I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
