butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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