Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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