I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
as a side note pls kill me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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