I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
