if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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