I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
