so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
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I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
God, I missed his penis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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