fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
