Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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