you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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