I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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