one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
